Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Tempting

I adore my children, they are beautiful and wonderful. I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world, UNLESS, I could get a mute button installed.

My daughter is very verbal. She is 4, and an expert, on everything. She also loves to share her wisdom, knowledge, and actions. She will give you a ten minute explanation on a drawing without drawing breath. She will debate you on all points. The term “wait” or “shh” or “no” are completely and totally not registering. I believe that the phone is actually a homing beacon for her voice. It rings, she needs to show me something, ask me something, tell me something, and complain about something, or a mixture of all of the above. Please note; I am not on the phone for just personal chats, I work from home. Exact conversation:
“Mommy is getting on the phone do you need anything?”
“No.”
“Okay then, please be patient and wait to talk to me until I am done, okay?”
“Okay.” One minute pause…“Mommy?”
(Finger to lips to remind for quiet)
“Mommy I need…”
(More vigorous finger to lips, and point towards other part of room)
“Mommy, I am hungry.”
(Hand over receiver) “Please wait, mommy is on the phone.”
“Mommy, I want to color.”
(Mute button)“Then go color, mommy is on the phone.”
“Mommy?”
(Glare)
“Mommy, I can’t find the red.”
(Walks over picks up red crayon in middle of coloring book that she put down to come inform me she couldn’t find)
“Mommy…”
“NO.”

My son is a baby, so he cries. I understand that. But he has some serious STAMINA. That boy can holler for 72 miles and that was just the last trip. Now don’t start judging right off the bat. He was changed, nursed, had binkies, toys, a sister talking to him, mommy talking to him…NOPE…man-child was ANGRY. He did not WANT to be in a car-seat. I know this because he does this a lot now. I have to drive 5 hours (each way) about twice a month for my job. My kids go with me. SO, the kids get loaded in and off we go and about 50% of the time man-cub LOSES HIS MIND. The first time he went ballistic I stopped after 15 minutes CONVINCED that there was something biting him or stabbing him or eating his legs or something. I stopped the car, he is WAILING, I jump out, I reach in to unhook him and through the tear-stained, drooling, red-eyed mess comes the WORLD’S BIGGEST GRIN. Should just have stamped sucker on my face. He was immediately all cute and playful and happy as a clam. Right up until I popped his little butt into that chair again…POOF, cuteness exit, evil car-screamer enter. FABULOUS. Dear hubby got to experience this JOY the last trip. Boy lulled him into complacency on the 8 hour drive out…angelic baby. Drive back….the first 95 minutes was constant hollering. Welcome to my world.

Singing is one of her favorite things. SINGING LOUDLY. All parents want our children to be talented and amazing and awe inspiring, I am no different. But we must learn to accept reality. When she sings along with something it’s okay. She misses notes here and there; words are a little strange and slightly different than the real thing. It’s cute. HOWEVER, when she makes up songs and tries to sing from memory…she is straight up TONE DEAF….it is PAINFUL. It’s loud, off key, really sharp high pitched 4 year old voice NIGHTMARE. My son loves it….heaven help me.

So try this one on, car DVD going loudly in backseat, daughter singing the song from 3 scenes ago (it’s loud as well, and special), son is SCREAMING in anger at being in his carseat….now the kicker…traffic. Please add 30 minutes to the clock and see which shade of crazy mommy is by the end.